Adios

Go here meow

http://www.everybodyblickets.com

Sup

Smoke 'em if you got 'em

Also grab some beer, popcorn and the tv remote (and turn that shit off- you're reading an epic story!)

An Epic Story. And I swear that despite the post date this is a true story.



Characters:

Joe- I live with him.
Chris- I live with him. He played hockey in college.
Mark- I don't live with him. He is a walking penis.
Ole- Me. You'll see

Shorty- short one
Manatee- ugly one (sorry Michael's car bumper)


So at about 12:40 we're wasted an at Irish pub in downtown Denver. Nice place. I've already been yelled at once for walking into the kitchen when I tried to find the bathroom. We decide that we're too sexy to roll 4 deep looking for drunk chicks and we end up splitting and I head out with Chris, with the intention of making some drunk girl say my name...one way or another.

We haven't gone far (call it 12:44) and we see two women sitting together at the end of a bar- giggitty giggitty goooooo. We show up and ask them a simple question

'Hello ladies. We're celebrating tonight, can you suggest a good shot for us to take?'. They took the bait and asked what we were celebrating for, before they even answered our shot question. We said we'd give them hints and clues as they guessed. Whatever, they sucked at guessing but eventually they said something about us being promotional people for the Colorado Avalanche. We look at each other.

'No...not promotional people'. A few quick guesses later and they realize that we're avalanche players! No shit! We go on to explain that we were just drafted out of an international league where we've been playing. They're skeptical, but Chris shuts them up when he talks about everything we've done- played in these tournaments, played against those players, etc. At the moment we're celebrating. We've been in Denver for 2 weeks but this is our first chance to really go out. We each take a cigarette of theirs and smoke it, all the while mentioning over and over about how upset coach is going to be. Ohhhh, coach!!!

We move on to them and find out they went to the same college, didn't know each other, and got introduced by a mutual friend or something. It's not important. They're not important. But the manatee gives us three guesses to find out what she does. We get them wrong, she decides to buy shots. Good game, and btw, being famous is awesome.

At this point we're drunk, and while I can't speak for Chris, I thought shorty was cute. And the other girl, at this point, was a person. Keep in mind I'm wasted. Anyway, we hang around for a little while and then I get asked a hockey question.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck. I don't know! I kind of stall, they start to get super skeptical and I turn to Chris and tell him we should leave. I go to the bathroom. I come back, they're still talking to Chris but I think they realize that we're no hockey players :( The lights turn on and Chris and I go outside to leave with all the other lonely drunks. We find Joe and Mark and try to get a taxi. Then we see a limo,imo,imo,imo. Imagine that being said like RKelly in trapped in the closet, so the beat ended, the scene ended, there was an echo and a barreta.

We talk to the guy and apparently are given a rate that is reasonable...so we swoop. As the door is shutting with the 4 of us, someone, prob Penis/Mark says we need girls. At that moment I see the 2 from the bar so Chris and I dart out and ask if they need a ride in our limo. Naturally, the stupid whores agree. So we start driving. At this point details are foggy. Unfortunately, I remember being way too close to the manatee. Joe calls me Kyle. My name for the night has been Ole, and I'm from Norway. I played high school hockey in Minnesota. They don't care/notice at this point, however, so we're clear. Somehow we stop at 7/11 and at this point none of us want them in the limo so we try to run around the back of the building, leaving them with the limo. muhahaha. Except we get caught :(

Back in the limo we're driving home, we get home, girls come in. We drink beers, we get hiiiiiigh. We make a point not to let manatee smoke. And we're laughing about the episode of entourage where turtle and drama meet a few chicks at the store, bring them to a party and there is one annoying fat bitch who sucks and just complains. For the rest of the story, that's the manatee. It's like, 3:30am or something and we're tired. Mark is talking to them while Joe, Chris and I are in the kitchen. We decide that Joe is going to fake a call from a girl, get upset and say stuff like 'why would you do that to me? I loved you!' and then Chris and I would burst in with our fake pistols, ready to bust a cap in her cheating ass.

So everything goes perfectly- except instead of leaving, short girl seems indifferent to our displays of weapons and manatee now wants to leave because she's fat. I mean scared. But instead of leaving, shorty and Mark/Penis decide to make out. Which means manatee is still there- she's cock blocking her friend from anything real happening and doesn't want to leave without her. God damn it!!! We try to lock them outside, but Mark is with them, so that plan backfires when he calls to get let in. At this point I'm really drunk, tired, stoned and confused. Apparently Chris flat out tells the manatee we don't want her here- she has to leave. Eventually, she does. With shorty. And the night ends at like 4:30am.

The next day is a lovely combination of bloody marys and 'wtf happeneds'

Love,
Kyle

Worst day of poka eva!

Lost $2500 yesterday in about 1500 hands. Month went from 10 to 8k or so very quickly...heh. I didn't do anything wrong, just ran really, really poorly (maybe I was due? I dunno).

My 'favorite' hand of the day was QQ on a flop of 478 rainbow versus K9, all-in and homeboy gets a K on the river.

1. WTF was he thinking
2. WTF why did a K have to come?

This means, however, that I'm due to run hot hot hot at some point in the near future. I don't know when that will be though. Not to sound too pretentious (heh) but I have more money than I can spend at the moment and my desire to play poker is dwindling these days. I mean, it's not fun, it's just $. And I don't need the $ for anything so there isn't a lot of motivation (sure, having MORE $ is motivation, but still). When I come back from Costa Rica I'll make a list of some stuff I want to buy (baseball glove, a hat, I dunno) and say when I make $x, I'll buy those items. Speaking of which, I went to the mall on Friday, when I won about $1200, and bought some new shorts (2), shirts (4), and sunglasses (sick!). I'm going to look good on that beach in Costa Rica...heh.

But back to the worst day. It's only money, right? And what better to do after losing money than spend it! I rolled up to the liquor store in savage plaid shorts, a beard, a Twins hat and a solid color pocket T (clothes of the rich and famous) and politely requested a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue and the awesome wolf bottle topper that I saw in the case next to it. I forgot to mention that I did it all, including the payment, while wearing my awesome new D&G sunglasses that I bought so I could look like a rapper. I'm pretty sure they were surprised at how amazing an individual I was. As a general rule, if you don't know how much Johnny Blue costs you probably can't afford it. And even if you do know...you probably can't afford it.

So that night we drink, cook some great steaks (ty Mark) and play rockband. Which leads to perhaps the most incredible moment of the last year for me. I'm playing a REAL electric guitar and Joe hops on the drums and we start playing music. Like, real music! He's laying down some simple yet profound beats and I'm throwing some chords and riffs and before we know it we've got ourselves some quality music. We know this, because the other people there told us so! 2 people even fucked to our music- holla! We laid down probably 4 sick tracks and with Chris on Vocals we can make it big, I know. And because our success was due in part to Mr. Walker we decided to name our band Blue Label. Once we record this stuff I'd recommend emailing Apple to get those tracks on itunes where they belong.

PS, we're looking for a bassist!

Love,
Kyle

I don't know how you people do it

I was out of town Friday- Tuesday. My dad and brother are coming on Saturday- Wednesday. A week from that Wednesday I go to Costa Rica. Seriously, how do you have time for a job?

Anyway, I actually have been doing everything- guitar, spanish, running, etc. Just no massage yet. Maybe that was too ambitious, because everyone knows I'm not likely to leave the house!

Also, I got pulled over going 85 in a 75. The cop walks to my window and says, 'We got you going 85 in a 75 zone and I'm going to give you a warning'. How weird is that? No typical cop BS about if I know how fast I was going or what the speed limit is, and he didn't even run my stuff before telling me I was getting a warning. Really weird, I think. But awesome, obviously. We also had our car towed that weekend, so it was a weekend filled with infractions, obviously.

The week starts on Sunday

Each week:

4 - 30 minute Spanish lessons, using my old books and dictionary. Emphasis on conversational skills and verb conjugation.

3- 30+ minute runs. Would be great if I could conjugate Spanish verbs or even listen to Spanish audio while running.

3- workouts at the gym, 2 with a personal trainer and one on my own.

4 - 30 minute guitar lessons. I was thinking about this today- everything I learn is from memory. I want to know why certain notes go well together and get to a point where I can think of a solo or riff and know what strings/frets produce each note.

Each day- meditate for 15 minutes/followed by a good stretch. I want to work on getting in better mental shape, because there are times when I feel like my mind controls me, not the other way around. I also spend a significant portion of each day playing poker at an alarming rate of discomfort- I'm starting to lose interest in playing and am considering it more like a job. I get frustrated and upset and don't play well. I have cash stacked, but I don't want this goldmine to die yet, which means I need to control my emotions.

Weekly- get a damn massage!

Tomorrow I'm going to the grocery store for some things and will be stopping by Target to purchase 2 binders, some looseleaf paper, 3 identical ink pens (2 black, one red), 2 mechanical pencils, reading lamp, a cheap digital watch and a new water bottle.

Vail

It sucks having to leave a place where you are

1. staying for free
2. eating great food
3. getting drunk daily
4. skiing incredible conditions

but it happens. Snowboarded on SAT/SUN/MON with SAT and SUN being incredible days and Monday having a foot of new snow. Not having jobs, Joe and I didn't need to return to Denver, but our ride was AWESOME enough to call in sick on Monday to ski the fresh with us and needed to get back for Tuesday.

Some highlights include lots of cliff jumping and cornice drops, lots of heavy drinking and some of the most amazing powder up to my knees in spots.

I wish I wasn't such an idiot, because I bought a great camera that I'm supposed to take on trips like these and I always forget it. God damn, the views were so sick, the snow was so light and deep and the runs through the fresh snow were breathtaking, seriously.

In other news, I applied for a Job to make copies and send faxes and file briefs at a law firm in Denver for eight (8) hours a week. I hope I'm qualified....